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Chuck's Biography of Opening Can's of Whoops Ass
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What do you really know about Chuck Norris?

* Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

* Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

* When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

* Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

* Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

* Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

* Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

* Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

* Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

* Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

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